Harry Potter goes to the Mall
by Woe is Me
Summary: The gang decides that Hogsmeade is getting old, and, as the teenagers always wish to live in the NOW, they decide to go to the mall. Dangerously random. Dangerously cheesy. (As in the Cheetos commercial! This isn't cheesy, believe me! Read it for yourself


Harry, Ron and Hermione were sitting on the Hogwarts Express.

The rest of the fourth year and them were all going to Hogsmeade.

"I'm so excited!" Hermione giggled.

"I can't wait for that butterbeer!" Harry said, licking his lips.

"And I can't wait to go to Kentucky and eat a used hairbrush!" Ron cried, bonking himself on the head with a conveniently-placed mallet.

Ron recently had a run-in with a brick wall, and was acting a TAD bit strangely lately.

Hermione sighed. "Oh, I do hope they'll have something to help Ron at the Hogsmeade Apothecary."

"Aw, Hermione, that place is one of the best, I know it! Remember when I got food poisoning when I swallowed that toaster? They treated me in a snap! And now I know how to distinguish a toaster from the waffle inside!" Harry said proudly.

"Well, for the sake of all of us, I hope you're right," Hermione said, sighing again.

"Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum!" Ron sang the Harry Potter theme song and drooled.

Soon the train stopped with a lurch and everybody got out, and they found themselves in the quaint little town of Hogsmeade.

The fourth years ran excitedly into all the shops, except for Harry, Hermione, and Ron, who was spinning like a crazed ballerina.

"Oh, this is so boring. I've been here so many times!" Hermione sighed yet again.

"Yeah, me too," Harry said, glancing at the town.

"Me four!" Ron sang in a high-pitched opera voice.

"Well, I suppose we should go do something about Ron here before he does something awfully ridiculous!" Hermione sputtered nervously.

"Aw, Ron isn't acting all that retarded. Let's go to the Three Broomsticks first!" Harry said.

Just then Ron pulled down his pants and rolled down a hill, screaming, "COLORED PENCILS ROCK ON!"

"On second thought, we should visit the Apothecary NOW," Harry said worriedly.

* * *

The gang was soon at the Apothecary. Harry and Hermione had persuaded Ron to come by telling him a clown was going to give him a thumbtack to play with.

"Where's the clownie? I want my thumbtack!" Ron wheezed insanely.

"Hush Ron!" Hermione pursed her lips.

An old lady walked up to the three kids. "Yes, children? How may I help you?" she asked sweetly.

"Our friend here, Ron's his name, well, he walked into a brick wall the other day, and he's gone a bit mental," Harry said siriusly (tee hee! coughcoughSiriusBlackcoughcough).

"Hmmm...yes....well before I prescribe anything I must see the insanity in action," the old lady said, staring at Ron, who was staring blankly at her.

"OK...Ron, do your jig for us!" Hermione ordered.

Ron put on sunglasses that popped out of the air, and turned his back to everyone.

"ONE FOR THE MONEY, TWO FOR THE SHOW, THREE TO GET READY, AND HERE WE GO!" Ron spun around.

"I want a S'mores Pop Tart, OH YEAH! Give it to me, baby!" he sang maniacally.

"This seems severusly sirius," the old lady remarked.

(tee hee! get it? coughcoughSiriusBlackcoughcoughSeverusSnapecoughcough. That coughing fit was dedicated to all you slow ones out there.)

"I believe you've proven your point," the shopkeeper old lady added, a bit scared.

"Will you help him?" Harry asked.

"Yes, it'll only take a moment. Come with me, young man," the lady beckoned for Ron to lie on a table.

"Okely-dokely, hot woman!" Ron enthusiastically jumped on the table and lie on his stomach.

"This might hurt for a minute," the old lady said, pulling out a gigantic mutant Cheerio.

Hermione and Harry closed their eyes as the old lady smacked Ron's innocent head with the Cheerio and a cry pierced the air. When they opened their eyes, Ron was sitting upright and politely on the table.

"What happened?" Hermione asked, cautiously moving toward Ron.

"The madness has escaped his body, don't worry. I've not only made him normal, but I've also made him wonderfully polite and dignified, and now he has a spectacularly high social status!" the old lady said, beaming.

"Good day to you all! What a remarkable day this is!" Ron said.

"Ron? Are you alright?" Harry asked.

"Oh, jolly good, Harry! Now be a chap and help me down from this wretched table!" Ron said.

Harry pulled him off the table.

"Ah, jolly good, I daresay! Where are we off to now? How about a spot o' tea? Or a roundabout town! What a jolly good day for a roundabout town, I daresay! Let us invite a couple blokes, shall we? It shall be splendid, oh so splendid!" Ron said in a "posh" British accent.

Hermione smiled strangely, thanked the old lady, paid her 5 sickles, and the gang left the apothecary.

"Where should we go now?" Harry asked.

"The Three Broomsticks?" Hermione suggested.

"Naw," Harry said.

"The sweetshop?"

"Been there, done that."

"The Shrieking Shack?"

"We've just been, Hermione!"

"Well then where are we to go?" Hermione demanded.

"You know what, forget this stupid Hogsmeade place. Let's hit the mall!" Harry exclaimed.

"But Harry, you know that's where the Muggles go!" Hermione pointed.

"I say, it's a capital idea, ol' Harry, ol' chap! We'll have a blast of a time, I daresay!" Ron burst out in excitement.

"The mall it is, then," Hermione shrugged.


End file.
